A Post for Kids Like My Maisa on the First Week of School

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.” – Audre Lorde

I sat down yesterday and started to write a post about how hard back to school week is for me, how horribly I miss Maisa. Then I realized this isn’t about me. I wrote this instead.

Many of you head back to school this week. A lot of you will run into the building excited to see your friends, donning the latest fashion and wearing your new backpack like armor to protect you. However, I know many of you feel fear and anxiety like Maisa did. The idea of so many classes, new people, and new teachers may feel completely overwhelming and you may want to just stay in your room and hide in bed. I get it. I wish I could fix it for you. I wish I could have fixed it for Maisa. I can only offer deep empathy. The system failed her, as it does many kids. If you feel like it is also failing you, please know it is not you. It was never you. I offer you this random list of advice. As with anything, please take what resonates, and leave the rest.

• You have intuition for a reason. Trust it. Do not let adults or other kids disconnect you from your own intuition. Your voice matters, and your needs matter.

• You are perfect and wonderful as you are. You don’t have to believe this yet, but please know that it is true and let me believe it for you until you can know it for yourself. You do not need to contort yourself to fit in. If you do that, you will find yourself with the wrong group of people. Stay authentic so that you can find your people. I promise, your people are out there. Some people are quieter than others, so it might take awhile to find your group. That is ok. 

• Yes, connection with others is good, important and necessary. However, for some kids, recess or lunch is the most stressful part of the day. Social connection can be difficult, particularly for neurodivergent kids. Cafeterias can be loud and overwhelming. Maybe you need time to be alone, to recover from sensory overload, or just to decompress. There are accommodations if you need a quiet, sensory safe place to recover. Trees are good companions, and connection with nature is also important.

• Mainstream school is not the best system for everyone. It is a one size fits all system. It is hard for a lot of kids. If it is hard for you there is nothing wrong with you. There are different neurotypes, different brain types, and different ways of learning. The public school system is not yet adaptive or accommodative to the needs of all neurotypes. If you are struggling to learn in your school, or if you feel overwhelmed or unsafe there, it may be because you are not being supported appropriately. 

• Look at what people are doing rather than what they are saying. When adults ask you to do something, consider whether this is something the adults are also capable of doing, and whether the adults model this behavior. If not, ask whether there is a good reason that the adults are asking you to do this thing that they are not doing themselves. You may find that there are some people who are in adult bodies but are not adults emotionally. Physical age is not the same as emotional age.

• Make a list of qualities that are important to you. Trustworthiness? Kindness? Compassion? Humility? Then make a list of the people in your life who embody those qualities. Then surround yourself with those people. Choose wisely.

• Hurt people hurt people. You have probably heard this one before. Bullying is a serious issue in schools and society, and it should be taken very seriously. Please call this behavior out. Please talk to a trusted friend or adult about the best way to handle the situation when you see this because both the bully and the person being bullied probably need some help. Bullying takes many forms. Many kids feel bullied or targeted just for being different. It doesn’t take a lot to feel bullied. If this is you, please know you are not alone. I understand that it might feel unfair or ridiculous for me to be telling you to talk to someone, that it just puts another burden on you. So instead, I would like to extend an offer to you to tell me how to better handle this. If you could reach out to me and tell me what should be done about bullying at schools for kids like you, I will try to do something about it. Please contact me. You can find and message me on Instagram at @maisa.space or samiamccall at gmail. Yes, I know that still asks you to *do* something and I apologize, but I am looking for real solutions, and for that I do need your input. I value your opinions.

• You are not the only one who is overwhelmed by sensory input at school. The bells, the competing voices and noise, the lights, the smells. It is a lot for some other kids too. I am sorry not everyone understands that. Hopefully teachers will get some more training and parents will learn more about sensory sensitivities also.

• Kids who are good at math and/or reading are not necessarily good at everything. You can be advanced academically, yet need support in other areas. Often teachers and other students do not understand this, and students lack support and are even shamed for the areas where they need support. If this describes you, please understand there is nothing wrong with you. If you needed crutches to walk or glasses to see, your teacher would not expect for you to walk or read without support, or to participate in PE in the same way that your peers are participating in PE class. It is the same for your brain. Your brain may need a certain type of support to learn or to feel safe at school. If that is not being provided to you, it is unreasonable to ask for you to learn without that support. The difference is, we can’t see inside of your brain in the same way that we could see if you were limping and needed crutches. There are many people like me advocating for change.

• All brains belong. All brains are beautiful. All brains deserve to be supported properly so that they can thrive in their uniqueness.

• Those of you who knew Maisa, please carry her in your heart. She will be with you. I hope you all have a wonderful school year. Please be kind to each other, but first and foremost, yourselves. xo

Maisa on her first day of school ever. I wish I had never let her go.