Power of Compounding
Time value of compounding change
When you are deep in grief it is natural to go looking for connection and signs from our loved ones that we aren’t able to hug and sit at the kitchen table. We no longer hear the distinctive sound of how they rapid step down the stairs every morning. Maisa would always have one last big stomp at the foot of the stairs, rat-tat, tat, tat, thonk.
On a walk we found the quarter from the photo above. These were some of our early grief walks, just trying to literally and figuratively make your feet move forward one step, one moment at a time with eyes pinned to the asphalt. I remember thinking how funny Maisa would find it that the quarter says “In Cod we Trust.” Trust in Cod and Long John Silver’s and deliver us from endless shrimp.
All memories of Maisa are sacred. I am at times simultaneously too scared to remember and too scared I will forget these memories. These wonderful moments that make a family a family. BOTH the pain of remembering and the pain of forgetting make me realize how scarred I am. These scars are part of me, ugly to look at, and impossible to ignore. The emotions that are mixed with the fear and the pain and wishing there could be a return, are ultimately love. Painful to access. Painful to contemplate. I know that a future version of me, can remember with less pain, realize the pain is love. But this version of me needs to take it slow and stare at the asphalt one step at a time.
These memories both the good and the painful are inexorably getting layered over with sand. I was thinking that it is like King Tutankhamun’s tomb, another child that left too soon, where the memories are treasures which I guard and fight to protect. All whilst realizing that the walls, the boody traps1, the curses, and the secrecy can’t hope to protect forever. They will fall to tomb robbers of time, senility and erosion by the forces of life. This is why we love to hear about Maisa. We love to hear your stories, there have been so many funny and warm memories that have been shared. That so helps connection. You won’t make us any more sad by talking about Maisa, by remembering. It will help. I promise. This is a lesson I wish I had known earlier.
The Eighth Wonder of the World
Allegedly, Einstein said that "Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it; he who doesn't, pays it." Maisa was my World Wonder. We would even build them together in epic games of Civilization. The ancient wonders and the modern ones. From Pyramids at Giza to Petra. Both of which I wish I could have gone with Maisa and family in tow to feel the actual sand slip through my fingers, rather than the proverbial sand slip though an hour glass that I had no idea was so low on grains.
Maisa was a saver. She would rarely, if ever, want to spend any money on herself. She grew and cut, and saved her hair, to donate. She would pick up trash in the neighborhood on the walk back from school. We would laugh at the images of our kids packing beer cans that were unceremoniously littered, and she would enjoy that they would be able to be cleaned up. Stay out of the river. Not pollute. And be reincarnated into a new aluminum creation. She would always save desserts and treats for her family. She would even try to save others. First.
With savings. We/she save for a future. Save for college, should she so choose. Save for a life, that painfully we don’t get with her. The bank accounts. The IDEAL 504 savings accounts for a wicked smart girl, with an equally delightful and wicked sense of humor. Saving is putting off instant gratification for future gratification. Or at least that is how it is supposed to work. Let the compounding take care of the rest. The compounding helps the dreams come true and the better future to manifest. After Maisa died, we have these savings for a future that we don’t get. I wish she had bought candy and noisemaker toys with it. I wish it had been spent on instant gratification for her enjoyment in the now which was then.
We formed Maisa Space the Donor-Advised Fund to catch her ideals, to try and make some good in a world that at times seems coldly indifferent to good, and even at times antagonistic to it. And we formed the blog to talk about things that are at time hard to talk about. But change, both positive and negative also compounds. Which side of the ledger do we add to today.
How do we compound change for good? Here we donated her savings, her chore money, her birthday and Christmas money to charity. Hard to even write a check from the joint checking account to be honest. I am confident, it is what Maisa would want. To compound the good, to reincarnate the trash, to save us and others, and to build wonders. We thank all of you for your support, for your attention and those that donate time, energy and money to make the world compound good.
Goonies reference. If it was our time, that time is gone.
The world is a better place for having had Maisa in it. Sending you all love !!