Oh my, yes. Yes. Yes. This the the core of the problem. A society that askes our children to live in untenable ways. Our school system and current childhood is the antithesis of how we evolved to grow up and grow into ourselves in the world. Peter Gray has been talking about this for a long time. How our systems of schooling are counter to the developmental needs of children. How this leads to emotional pain, anxiety, depression, and yes to the rising rates of teen suicide. His recently released book, "Restoring Childhood: how to set kids free in the age of anxiety" talks about these issues directly.
I too, with a 2E kid, have sacrificed my career to fight for and protect him from a school system that inflicts so much trauma on kids. Again and again, I've fought the school district. Again and again I've had to move my kids to protect them from spirit crushing schools. Again and again, I've had to fill their needs without school help. Last year he had a major depression with suicidal ideation. Really all triggered by the psychological angst of trying to "succeed" with ADHD and dysgraphia in a school system that demands children be capable of things on the schools time frame and not the child's. Now at 16 y/o we are battling the school again. But really we know we'll get nothing from them and the system will not change. And the system is not healthy for them. So, end of this semester we'll pull him out from under the high school systems thumb. We'll home school and dual enroll in community college. We'll let it all move at his pace.
But so, so many kids are just crushed by this ridiculous, heinous, repessive system of american schooling. Yet, schools and teachers are considered sacrosanct in our culture. To critize them is often viewed as ranting at something holy.
Hope for children lies only in a massive revamp of childhood and education.
Thank you. Yes I don't know how we can put kids into these systems of forced compliance and then pathologize them when they react in normal ways. It baffles me. I know there are many teachers that understand how the education system is harming kids but when they try to do things differently also face systemic pushback and then a lot of them leave. I heard clips of Peter Gray speaking on a podcast recently and thought he was great. I will need to read his book. I am sorry you are fighting this fight for your 16 year old. I understand how exhausting and frustrating this is. These children are our future and we should all want the same thing - to nurture and protect them so that they can thrive. I also hope for a massive overhaul.
It's 7am and I'm organizing papers. I have an 8 inch stack of folders documenting 10 years of school districts failing my son over and over again. In a couple of hours, my husband and I will sit down with another school district and listen to how they will fail him again. My letters refute their deflection and gaslighting with quotes directly from IDEA and policy letters from the Office of Civil Rights. But truthfully, neither my husband (an attorney) nor I (a physician assistant) believe that the school or district will actually make any real effort to support our sweet, kind, motivated, bright 2e son.
Your kind support in my mailbox this morning brought me to tears. Thank you. It IS so exhausting. So disappointing. I'm going in knowing we are right and knowing that a room full of people will simply say "no" and walk away. At this point we've already started getting our son the support he needs. Our exit strategy is already in motion. The only reason we go in to fight today is in the hope that, even in our failed endeavor, some one of them will begin to change just that little bit. That some one of them will begin to see the harm they do and their opportunity to instead do good. That some other child might benefit just a little bit from our speaking out.
But in reality, it's not just "special education" that needs to change. It is the whole rigid, paternalistic, controlling, childhood repressing, anxiety provoking dysfunctional, accountablity focused US public school system.
It is so hard to push against these rigid systems. So hard and so exhausting. But the more of us that do it, the harder it is for these systems to stand. There are people inside of these systems who know how many kids are being failed as well. They continue because the majority are silent or look away or think it’s not that bad, etc, etc, etc. When enough people see it, it will have to change. Our children deserve so much better than this system that many are barely surviving and some do not survive. So much love to you and your family.
You put my feelings into words so very well. Thank you! I'm feeling so hurt today, and sent this article to two of the people saying they want to help and yet who actually keep being harmful. Sending you a big hug if you want one.
I hope it can open the minds and hearts of the people who read it and that more support and comfort is headed your way. Sending you a big hug also and thank you.
Oh my, yes. Yes. Yes. This the the core of the problem. A society that askes our children to live in untenable ways. Our school system and current childhood is the antithesis of how we evolved to grow up and grow into ourselves in the world. Peter Gray has been talking about this for a long time. How our systems of schooling are counter to the developmental needs of children. How this leads to emotional pain, anxiety, depression, and yes to the rising rates of teen suicide. His recently released book, "Restoring Childhood: how to set kids free in the age of anxiety" talks about these issues directly.
I too, with a 2E kid, have sacrificed my career to fight for and protect him from a school system that inflicts so much trauma on kids. Again and again, I've fought the school district. Again and again I've had to move my kids to protect them from spirit crushing schools. Again and again, I've had to fill their needs without school help. Last year he had a major depression with suicidal ideation. Really all triggered by the psychological angst of trying to "succeed" with ADHD and dysgraphia in a school system that demands children be capable of things on the schools time frame and not the child's. Now at 16 y/o we are battling the school again. But really we know we'll get nothing from them and the system will not change. And the system is not healthy for them. So, end of this semester we'll pull him out from under the high school systems thumb. We'll home school and dual enroll in community college. We'll let it all move at his pace.
But so, so many kids are just crushed by this ridiculous, heinous, repessive system of american schooling. Yet, schools and teachers are considered sacrosanct in our culture. To critize them is often viewed as ranting at something holy.
Hope for children lies only in a massive revamp of childhood and education.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.
All peace and comfort to you and yours
Thank you. Yes I don't know how we can put kids into these systems of forced compliance and then pathologize them when they react in normal ways. It baffles me. I know there are many teachers that understand how the education system is harming kids but when they try to do things differently also face systemic pushback and then a lot of them leave. I heard clips of Peter Gray speaking on a podcast recently and thought he was great. I will need to read his book. I am sorry you are fighting this fight for your 16 year old. I understand how exhausting and frustrating this is. These children are our future and we should all want the same thing - to nurture and protect them so that they can thrive. I also hope for a massive overhaul.
It's 7am and I'm organizing papers. I have an 8 inch stack of folders documenting 10 years of school districts failing my son over and over again. In a couple of hours, my husband and I will sit down with another school district and listen to how they will fail him again. My letters refute their deflection and gaslighting with quotes directly from IDEA and policy letters from the Office of Civil Rights. But truthfully, neither my husband (an attorney) nor I (a physician assistant) believe that the school or district will actually make any real effort to support our sweet, kind, motivated, bright 2e son.
Your kind support in my mailbox this morning brought me to tears. Thank you. It IS so exhausting. So disappointing. I'm going in knowing we are right and knowing that a room full of people will simply say "no" and walk away. At this point we've already started getting our son the support he needs. Our exit strategy is already in motion. The only reason we go in to fight today is in the hope that, even in our failed endeavor, some one of them will begin to change just that little bit. That some one of them will begin to see the harm they do and their opportunity to instead do good. That some other child might benefit just a little bit from our speaking out.
But in reality, it's not just "special education" that needs to change. It is the whole rigid, paternalistic, controlling, childhood repressing, anxiety provoking dysfunctional, accountablity focused US public school system.
Thank you.
It is so hard to push against these rigid systems. So hard and so exhausting. But the more of us that do it, the harder it is for these systems to stand. There are people inside of these systems who know how many kids are being failed as well. They continue because the majority are silent or look away or think it’s not that bad, etc, etc, etc. When enough people see it, it will have to change. Our children deserve so much better than this system that many are barely surviving and some do not survive. So much love to you and your family.
As the mother of a child who left this world far too early I’m committed to building this kind of world. Thank you for your advocacy.
Thank you also. I am deeply grateful for your work.
You put my feelings into words so very well. Thank you! I'm feeling so hurt today, and sent this article to two of the people saying they want to help and yet who actually keep being harmful. Sending you a big hug if you want one.
I hope it can open the minds and hearts of the people who read it and that more support and comfort is headed your way. Sending you a big hug also and thank you.
Thank you 💖
xoxo