You are Enough, You Do Not Need to Sell Yourself to Anyone

Reminders for High School Students Thinking about Life After Graduation

These past several months I’ve had the honor of discussing post high school plans with my senior. The college application process is a lot different than it was 30 years ago. There also seems to be so much more pressure on kids, a lot of it very visible on social media platforms. I offer these thoughts to both high school students and the adults that love them, and as with anything I write, please take what resonates and leave the rest.

College admissions decisions are not about you.

The school is filling a class and managing institutional needs. Many schools turn away thousands of amazing and qualified students every year. Rather than rejection, consider it a redirection. You don’t know what is waiting for you at the place where you ultimately may end up.

You are allowed to feel however you feel.

Disappointed, angry, confused, happy, excited, numb, it’s all allowed. Feel your feelings. You may feel several of them. You may cycle through them. You may want to talk about them or not. There is no right or wrong way, and all I ask is that you not judge yourself in the process. Some of us are very sensitive to rejection or perceived rejection (common for neurodivergent brains) and any kind of “no” can touch on that. It’s ok if your reaction feels disproportionate. It’s ok if you don’t feel anything. Just getting to this point is a long process and you may feel numb from the stress of it all. If you feel like talking, find a safe person to talk to. If you don’t, nature is a good place to be, or perhaps your favorite sport or hobby. I can assure you that what you are feeling is temporary, but it is a good idea to be with it and not push it away.

There is no best school or option, but there may be a best option for you.

There is a lot of hype about top schools and prestige, and there is absolutely zero guarantee that you will be happy or successful if you get in and go to one of those schools. The best school is not always the one that is the “hardest” to get into or the one that sounds the most impressive to other people. Speaking of impressive to other people, this seems like a good opportunity to remind you that what you see in group chats and on social media are highlight reels and an incomplete picture of someone else’s life. The comparison game is a trap, always.

The best school may be the one where you feel most at home, the one where you can find a supportive community, and the one where you can be yourself without burning out. Accessibility for neurodivergent students is a real need. What is the sensory environment and living space like? What about class sizes? These are the things that matter way more than name recognition or rankings.

This isn’t final.

I know this feels big. You have worked so hard to get to this place. And a “no” may feel like a door closing on a dream. It isn’t. Things change. People take gap years, people transfer, the world is full of surprises, sometimes really good ones. This process feels really big and it is a big one because it is likely the first big one, but it is only a chapter. There are many. Most of us adults did not get to where we are from this one decision. In fact, many of us are still figuring it out. Most of us don’t actually have it figured out. Which is why you are ultimately your own best authority.

Your worth comes from you.

When we define our worth by external things, achievements, grades, college admissions, we give our power away. Your power is inside of you. Your wisdom is inside of you. Your unique characteristics, your inner world, your feelings, everything that makes you YOU, that is all inside of you. And that would be impossible to condense into an application. Please do not let anyone outside of you define who or what you are. You are still becoming. Take your time, and do your best to find the place that will support your becoming. If you land somewhere that does not feel like the right fit, you can change. Look at how often adults change jobs and careers. You have agency and autonomy. That includes the ability to change your mind, at any time.

To those applying to colleges: I’m proud of you for making it through a process that asks you to turn your whole life into a packet.

To the adults supporting them: Please remember that your calm will matter more than your advice right now.

And to everyone: This one decision is not a measure of your life. It’s simply one fork in your road. Take the next step from where you are, keep breathing, and do your best to trust in your innate ability to navigate the path ahead.