If you look a gift(ed) child in the eyes
He or she might not like it, and might also not like being called "gifted"
There are children playing in the streets who could solve some of my top problems in physics, because they have modes of sensory perception that I lost long ago. — J. Robert Oppenheimer
James wrote a post on perspectives a couple of months ago. I wanted to expand on that idea because it is relevant to the topic of “gifted education” and how Maisa experienced the world. It is also important in helping us understand how we can better support autistic and ADHD children and generally validate each other’s lived experiences.
Is the number above a 6 or 9? Well, it depends on who you are asking, the person on the left or the right. Is Maisa a quiet child or boisterous? Does she like hugs? Loud noises? When she is quiet on the outside, is her internal experience also quiet? These questions do not have straightforward answers, which is one of the reasons why it is important to ask people about their lived experiences, to truly listen, and to believe them. It is also important to understand nuance, that things are not usually black and white, and not always as they appear on the surface.
James linked this video called Walk in My Shoes in his earlier post, but it is worth linking again. It shows how an autistic child might experience school, and accurately depicts how we believe Maisa experienced many aspects of school. She appeared calm and quiet on the surface, a model student, yet her inner experience was anything but calm or quiet. She needed a lot of support and accommodation, and a lot of time at home to recover from the overwhelm that she experienced while at school. This left little time for her to have fun, to enjoy her hobbies, her family, her friends, her life. There is a misconception that life and school is easy for “gifted” children - that because math or reading comes naturally, that all of life is that way. This assumption couldn’t be further from the truth.
It is difficult to explain the sensory nightmare that is middle school to someone who does not have sensory issues. The bells, layered noise from multiple conversations at once, crowded hallways resulting in unwanted touch, smells from cafeteria food as well as teenagers trying out the latest beauty projects - just typing this is inducing a somatic response. Those are just sensory issues. Add in any executive functioning struggles due to ADHD and it does not take long to get to a crisis point. Many autistic children also tend to struggle with seemingly arbitrary rules, as autistic children have a strong need to understand why (they are not being defiant) and are sensitive to the injustices of the world. They can also become extremely anxious when classroom seats are moved without prior notice or when being called on in class or assigned group projects or presentations. This is why identification is important. This is why teachers, parents and children need to understand how to support each unique child. This is why children need to understand themselves.
Maisa hated the term “gifted” with a passion. When she saw the word on a book title lying around the house, she would become visibly angry, launching immediately into a tirade about the idiocy of the label. I did not fully understand the reaction at the time. I get it now. Kids are labeled gifted at school and put into accelerated programs. Told they are smart, which they are in certain areas. Many of these kids, however, also need support in other areas. Many of these kids are also autistic, ADHD, dyslexic or have some other form of neurodivergence that requires unique academic, social and emotional support. These kids are known as “twice-exceptional,” or gifted plus disabled. When the schools identify the giftedness of a student but fail to identify the disability, they are doing a huge disservice to the student. (It is also illegal under federal law, but that is a topic for another post.)
A gifted child who also has ADHD and struggles with executive functioning may think, “I can do this very advanced math problem that my peers can’t do, but I keep forgetting my homework, or I keep talking out of turn in class, what is wrong with me? Why is this thing that is easy for other kids hard for me?” Nothing is wrong with the child, the child may need extra support with executive functioning skills or emotional regulation skills. When a child is called gifted and advanced in one area, the child is then expected to be advanced in all areas. This is a huge problem when those same kids are often less developed than their peers in other areas. When a child called gifted sees that he or she is struggling with some things that appear easy for his or her neurotypical classmates, such as organization, socializing or handwriting, the child quickly internalizes that something is wrong with them. This leads to self-esteem issues, which sets the child on a path towards mental health struggles, potential self-medication with drugs or alcohol, eating disorders and suicide.
This is why identification of neurodivergence is critical, why support of neurodivergent kids can be life or death, and why identification is a first step in addressing the youth mental health and suicide risk crises. There is a lot of research available on the issue of neurodivergence and suicide. James has done a deep dive on this and summarized a lot of the research for anyone interested. We posted it (but did not email it out) in a newly created research and advocacy section. This is linked below if people are interested in a deep dive into the heightened risks for our undiagnosed, unsupported neurodivergent youth. Reading this is hard. Writing it is hard. And trust me when I tell you that living it is harder. I don't know of many problems that magically get solved without first identifying the problem, and then having an open and honest dialogue to address its root cause. We hope that through open dialogue and advocacy we can help create a world where our “gifted” and neurodivergent children feel more understood, supported and accepted.
