This is what suicide erasure looks like in real time.
Not hatred. Not cruelty. Something more subtle and, perhaps, more damaging: a collective decision that some losses can be spoken aloud while others must be handled quietly.
Every child deserves to be remembered. Every family deserves to hear their child's name spoken without fear, discomfort, or shame.
Spot on, Deborah. It is that very subtlety that perpetuates the trauma and deepens the suffering for families and friends. Thank you for standing with me in the silence to help bring these kids back into the light where they belong.
Maisa was indeed a magical child and her brothers are equally special in their own way. My family experienced death by suicide when both my children lost friends to suicide. My daughter still is in touch with a sister and the mother of her dear friend who died when he was 19. She now is 50 and has kept the family close in her life since his death. Ignoring any kind of pain never works in the long run and no child deserves to be only remembered by the means of their death. Love always to you and your family.
Samia this is a brave truth telling piece and I appreciate you immensely for sharing it. I lost my 18 year old son to suicide 4 years ago—and I just wrote last week about my conversation with the school who called me the day it happened. They, as you said, were preferencing the needs of many over me and my family. It’s such a complicated and oh so important topic because it does serve as an indictment in so many ways of the larger mental health system as well as our overall aversion to grief. I’ve had conversations with younger people in the years since about how adults fail them in their grief. There is such an inter generational aspect to not just the topic of suicide but death generally. I could go on but will leave it there (for now)
Thank you for much for this, Laurel, and for your beautiful writing on this topic. I have found that so much of these policies that are framed as protective in nature have an underlying fear that needs to be examined. I wish that there could be more honest conversations around these underlying issues which I also could go on about. I look forward to reading more of your writing and hearing more of your story. Thank you for your courage also.
Yes you’re completely right. There is a lot of fear —as if it’s contagious and so the families and those who leave us are often stigmatized or made to feel to blame when really there is just suffering and loneliness underneath all of it. I’m glad we are connected. You too are a truth teller and courageous and I appreciate deeply you giving voice to words others would rather ignore.
This is what suicide erasure looks like in real time.
Not hatred. Not cruelty. Something more subtle and, perhaps, more damaging: a collective decision that some losses can be spoken aloud while others must be handled quietly.
Every child deserves to be remembered. Every family deserves to hear their child's name spoken without fear, discomfort, or shame.
Spot on, Deborah. It is that very subtlety that perpetuates the trauma and deepens the suffering for families and friends. Thank you for standing with me in the silence to help bring these kids back into the light where they belong.
Maisa was indeed a magical child and her brothers are equally special in their own way. My family experienced death by suicide when both my children lost friends to suicide. My daughter still is in touch with a sister and the mother of her dear friend who died when he was 19. She now is 50 and has kept the family close in her life since his death. Ignoring any kind of pain never works in the long run and no child deserves to be only remembered by the means of their death. Love always to you and your family.
Deeply tender. Thank you for giving voice to the siblings lived experience of missing Maisa.
Samia this is a brave truth telling piece and I appreciate you immensely for sharing it. I lost my 18 year old son to suicide 4 years ago—and I just wrote last week about my conversation with the school who called me the day it happened. They, as you said, were preferencing the needs of many over me and my family. It’s such a complicated and oh so important topic because it does serve as an indictment in so many ways of the larger mental health system as well as our overall aversion to grief. I’ve had conversations with younger people in the years since about how adults fail them in their grief. There is such an inter generational aspect to not just the topic of suicide but death generally. I could go on but will leave it there (for now)
Thank you for much for this, Laurel, and for your beautiful writing on this topic. I have found that so much of these policies that are framed as protective in nature have an underlying fear that needs to be examined. I wish that there could be more honest conversations around these underlying issues which I also could go on about. I look forward to reading more of your writing and hearing more of your story. Thank you for your courage also.
Yes you’re completely right. There is a lot of fear —as if it’s contagious and so the families and those who leave us are often stigmatized or made to feel to blame when really there is just suffering and loneliness underneath all of it. I’m glad we are connected. You too are a truth teller and courageous and I appreciate deeply you giving voice to words others would rather ignore.
An excellent post, I’m not going to highlight any of it because there wasn’t a single word I didn’t 100% agree with. Restacked…and thank you Samia 🙏❤️
Thank you so much, Esther!
Beautifully written and well said!