Tribute - B Side
If only there were more time
When I sat down to try and write the words for my tribute to Maisa there were many more things I would have wanted to say, but, as Maisa would say, Dad nobody wants to hear your monologue. So, similar to some of my favorite B-Sides such as Yellow Ledbetter, I decided to post what else I wrote before the tribute. It strikes me that Maisa wouldn’t even know what a B-Side is, but I think she would have loved the 80s and being pre-internet. What follows are the words and emotion that leaked out in the days following Maisa’s death.
Four Winds
One of the newer versions of Maisa was obviously more in pain and darker, quick witted, what we talked about around the house as “emo.” Having been someone who spent many hours in my room in my teenage years blasting metal, I can still catch wisps of how hard it is to be a teenager and to find our way, to become, to accept (ourselves and others and our place in the world). For whatever reason, in the days before her death I had a Bright Eyes song Four Winds, replaying in my head, hard to get more emo than that tbh. Much like Maisa, I never liked poetry, but somehow missed that musicians are just poets and philosophers that trick us, by putting it to beat and harmony. For those interested in the lyrics and why it felt so strange to have this particular song stuck in my head. I hadn’t listened to it in quite some time.
As I bargain with myself and search for meaning, I find myself spelunking and mining my consciousness for perspective and depth. Through these endeavors I keep pulling the thread of the song, as music can mean so many different things (and make us feel) so differently at times in our lives. Art is more than just a short name for Arturo. We must see ourselves staring back at us from it, ask the toughest questions and go to places we are uncomfortable to visit. Either way, I found that some of the song lyrics were apparently inspired by another of the world’s very depressed Irish poets, William Yeats. (Depressed Irish poet is probably redundant.) I feel we are being torn from our center, individually and as a society. We are basically being gamed to feed our outrage monster, and as it is fed, it grows more hungry and demanding. How do we make our center hold?
“Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.” Yeats, Second Coming
Gods and Heroes
Maisa loved mythology: the old Gods and Heroes, Norse, and Greek, and all those from Native American (the Coyote) (she wanted an English word such as the Aussies have for aboriginal), Japanese and Hindu and of course how these often came from inspiration of the constellations in the night sky. As an example of differing oral traditions, Maui’s fish hook is also part of Scorpius. This was yet another Cliff Claven factoid she taught me. I am not sure I really even spent much time pondering how much perception is impacted based on where we are in the world and our own cognitive biases. I think she liked how many of the cultures come on with legends and myths in similar ways to explain similar phenomena. As Greek, Japanese and Nordic have Susano/Thor/Zeus commander of storm and lightning as an example of the different mythologies from their boomers.
I knew when I came across the deities surrounding the Four Winds and their mythology, I would need some help. I turned to some of her books on the topic from her room as we grieved. One well worn book, with the picture above, was called Gods and Heroes. I think how apt it is that we all have strong forces within us that push us off course, away from our center. In some way the Four Winds are always pulling/pushing us in different directions, one moment careening toward the rocks at the bottom of the abyss and the next toward love and light. How life happens isn’t always a choice, we don’t get to have the control, the power or the agency to right every wrong, to mend every broken heart, body, soul and spirit. Sometimes we can only just hold someones’ hand and remind them that the next strong wind will carry them to a place of love and light and away from the bottom, the heartbreak and the pain. When they are all blowing with similar forces, we can stay in our center, our centre can hold (I used the British curious spelling of centre, because Maisa would speak in an endearing British accent).
Many cultures are imbued with stories about their wind deities, often found as similar echos, across the globe. These wind deities, bring in the change, the seasons and exemplify the interplay of opposing forces, and how they harmoniously (or not) coexist to preserve the delicate equilibrium of the Earth.
The Four Winds - North, South, East, and West - are not only compass directions but also embody distinct characteristics and powers. These winds are often personified as gods or spirits, each representing different aspects of nature and life. We are all born free, born with a spirit and willingness to follow our compass our whimsical thoughts and dreams. We are idealistic and able to live in the moment without feeling or passing judgment. I feel we lose the ability to hear our compass that is easier as a child, our brain convinces us of the righteousness of our direction rather than the true direction that is innate within us. This maladaptive behavior has us heading toward hurt and darkness and away from light and healing. It is in these moments that we must stop and rediscover our course. This takes a quiet mind.
Native American Storytelling
In Native American cultures, the Four Winds maintain balance in the natural world. These are at times tied to the seasons. The North Wind, known as the "Cold Wind" or "Winter Maker," brings the chill of winter. In contrast, the South Wind, or "Warm Wind," heralds spring and warmth. These two winds symbolize the eternal cycle of life and death, demonstrating the necessity of both seasons. The East Wind, often associated with new beginnings and growth, represents the rising sun. Meanwhile, the West Wind, linked to sunset and the end of the day, signifies the culmination of cycles. Together, these forces create a harmonious balance between life and death, growth and decay, and light and darkness. If only the winds would always stay so harmonious.
Greek Mythology
In Greek mythology, the Anemoi, or wind gods, represent a similar balance of power. Boreas, the North Wind, is associated with the harsh cold of winter, while Zephyrus, the West Wind, brings a gentle breeze and warmth. Eurus, the East Wind, is often connected to storms and chaos, representing the destructive aspect of nature. Finally, Notos, the South Wind, embodies the scorching heat of summer. These wind gods collectively symbolize the dual nature of the elements, demonstrating how creation and destruction, gentleness and turbulence, are essential for the world's harmony.
The Cosmic Balance: Hindu Storytelling
In Hindu mythology, the Four Winds is intricately woven into the cosmic fabric. Vayu, the god of the wind, embodies the powers of the four cardinal directions. His four sons, Anila (North Wind), Pavana (East Wind), Prabhasa (South Wind), and Ashani (West Wind), control their respective domains. Together, they are responsible for maintaining the balance of the universe. Vayu, as the divine breath of life, sustains all living beings, and his sons work together to ensure the harmonious functioning of the natural world. This intricate pantheon showcases the interdependence of the winds, each essential for the cosmic equilibrium.1
The Bible
The Four Winds traditions were also in the Bible, as they correspond to the Four Rivers that emerged from the single, unnamed river that flowed through the Garden of Eden.
River of Simple Unity
River of Fruition
River of the Mouth of Transformation
River of the Belly Flow.
“In each of our life journeys, we are to follow these rivers, blending our life walk with simplicity, realization, change, and passion. Following these rivers will lead us to the unnamed wellspring of all Being.”
As living entities, the Four Winds possess their own temperament.
The east wind is always good and even quiets the other winds when they get out of hand.
The west wind is not that good.
The south wind is sometimes one, sometimes the other,
and the north wind keeps them all in check. Still, the power of the north wind is effective only during the act of tempering the other winds.2
By itself it could be destructive “rendering even gold as worthless.” The south wind is more moody than the others, more often manic. The south is the place of [the] River of Diversity. It is tempered, as are all the other winds, by the north wind, the place of River of Simple Unity, or stillness. And when so tempered, the south wind brings blessing to the earth’s yield.” We all have Four Winds as we make our way through life, some just are stronger at certain points of our life.
Ruminating on Reflections
So many different cultures have a version of the Four Winds; they bring chaos, rebirth, destruction, fertility, and in concert, they can bring balance. These stories illustrate the necessity of balance in maintaining the delicate equilibrium of life, death, creation, and destruction. The myths show that we are all interconnected with each other and the natural world. The counterposing forces remind us of the perpetual dance of opposites that keeps our world (and ourselves) in (or out of) harmony. To maintain balance, every force is often met with an equal, but opposite force.
Since Maisa died, I have been asking myself many questions that have no answers. What are the forces that are blowing so many of us (and our youngs) off course, into existential crises and dread? Is it a brain disease or is our society ill? Why does everything in society feel so charged and extreme? Why does it feel there is no “centre” anymore, that we are not allowed to hold centrists thoughts anymore? I have been asking myself a million more whys.
I obviously don’t have the answers to these questions, but I do wish that we can head to a world where the adults act more like adults and less like the North Wind. I wonder if what we need to do, is quit trying to own the fringes and head to the centre. I fear if not, to bring back our poem from Yeats, we will all be slouching toward Bethlehem. As the tanks roll over it.
We are all torn by the Four Winds, but they don’t define us. We are never our worst day, or our best day. Maybe if we can find our own centre, we can make this place a world that more people want to live in and make better. Balance is never easy though, it takes reflection and wrestling with our opposing forces. It takes accepting our parts, even the parts we don’t like, and accepting that when their tempest blows, it is to be heard. To be seen. To be accepted. To have our pain and love witnessed. These forces can spiral us out of control, overwhelm us in pain. Suicide is a permanent solution to a short term problem. The strong painful winds feel that they will never subside. But the wind will always shift, the pain will end if we give it time. Unfortunately, we ran out of time with Maisa. We are all composed of light and energy3. In death, our light can’t be touched by the Four Winds anymore, we are at peace and love is light.
Generated in part from ChatGPT3.
Borrowed from the Daily Kabbalah: Wisdom from the Tree of Life
Maybe another post in the future that will use equations taught to Maisa by Mr. Wilkie.